I first remember wanting a tattoo when I was about 20 and at college. A friend came back from the summer holidays with a phoenix on her shoulder blade, and it was so colourful and sharp-looking, nothing like the tattoos I'd seen before on older men in my family, which were all blurry and faded. I was intrigued with the idea of having a permanent design on my body, but could never settle on a firm idea of what I wanted, so never took it any further.
At A Glance Author Carrie1138 IAM Carrie1138 When A month ago Artist Lucy Studio Into You Location London, UK So then it was 1992, and I met my girlfriend. She already had tattoos. Two of them were DIY jobs, and one was a heart with a scroll across it. The scroll had three flowers on it. The flowers were covering up her ex-girlfriend's name. Even her professional work didn't look too good, it was more like what I'd seen on the old men than what my friend had. You'd think this would have rung alarm bells for me, but no. When she told me she'd like to get my name tattooed on her, I was charmed, and said I'd like to do the same. When she said we should go to the guy who'd done her heart, I agreed.
We decided on getting each other's signatures with the date we'd got together underneath it, on the left side of the chest. So off we went. I can't remember the name of the shop, or the artist. I think he charged us £5 each, and it took about five minutes. I don't remember the experience very well at all, just that it felt like scratching with a pin. I don't think I got any aftercare advice either.
I can't remember how I took care of the tattoo, I don't remember moisturising it or anything. I know that it scabbed up a lot, and by the time it was healed, it was looking patchy and blurry. So I went back for a touch-up, which only made it worse, and I ended up with one line completely out of proportion to the rest. Once it had healed again, I basically just shrugged and thought oh well. I was stuck with it, but at least I loved her. Then, over time, I realised that she didn't love me, that she was selfish and controlling, and not really a very nice person. You know, if I hadn't had her name on my chest, I think I would probably have dumped her a few years before I actually did.
Anyway, I finally grew a backbone, and got rid of her. And then I had to decide what to do with the tattoo. My first thought was to get the date we broke up underneath the date we met, and if it had been a better-looking tattoo I would probably have done that. I'm a firm believer in standing behind your decisions, even if they do turn out wrong, and not trying to rewrite history. But there was no point adding to such a crappy-looking thing. My next thought was to get it removed. But that looked expensive, a long process, and not necessarily successful, as well as probably leaving a scar. Plus, it wasn't the fact of having a tattoo I didn't like, it was the tattoo itself. So it would have to be a cover-up.
But I'm bad at making decisions. And I was so scared of making another bad one. I couldn't find any inspiration or anything I wanted to have permanently put on my body. I was lucky in a way that the tattoo was mostly covered by my clothes, so I didn't really see it unless I was looking at myself naked or in my underwear. If I was wearing something where it might show, I would stick a band-aid over it, or cover it with make up.
It was last summer that I really decided enough was enough. The weather was really hot, and I was spending a lot of time wearing very little, and I got thoroughly sick of seeing her stupid signature on my chest. I started browsing a lot of tattoos on BME. I decided I didn't just want to get the original tattoo covered up, I wanted to make it bigger, get something I could actually show off and be proud of. And I didn't want anything that meant anything, or represented anything. Things change, people change, but pretty images stay pretty.
I photographed my chest, and started messing about in Photoshop. I spent a long time working on designs, but still couldn't come up with anything I was completely happy with, until one day, I did a Google image search for "rose etching", and right on the first page was a picture that immediately jumped out at me. I downloaded it, and started messing about with it in Photoshop. About three hours later, I had a design I loved. A large rose to go over the old tattoo, a matching one on the other side, and a small one in the middle, all linked up with branches and leaves. I printed it out, cut it out roughly, and held it up against my chest. I was immediately sure it was what I wanted. And for me, that's saying something, because I'm never sure of anything!
A few days later, I was in Into You making an appointment. The first date available was seven weeks away, so I booked it. As the day got closer, I started to get nervous. I had barely looked at my design since booking my appointment. It was a big tattoo, and I was feeling a bit scared of it. But there was no way I was going to back out, and when I looked at that horrible, badly-done name on my chest, I was even more determined. I'd read enough good stuff about Into You to be confident, and I couldn't fault Lucy's portfolio.
So the big day came. I was booked in for 12, which is when the shop opens, but I got there about twenty minutes early, so I went for a coffee and smoked a couple of cigarettes at a cafe a few doors away. When the shop opened, I went in, but Lucy wasn't there yet. Waiting was hard, I could feel myself getting more and more nervous. When Lucy turned up, she showed me what she'd drawn up from the design I left with her, and checked how closely I wanted to stick with the design. I told her I liked the style of it, but didn't know if it would be possible to get that amount of detail. When she said it was, I was thrilled. She finished setting up, and then we had a cigarette before going through to the tattooing room.
When she put the stencil on and I looked at it, it didn't seem even to me, though it did to her. But after two more attempts, we had a placement we were both happy with. I lay down on the table. Because of the cover-up, she had to extend one of the petals on each large rose, so she drew that on with a pen. The pen felt really sharp, which made me think "uh oh"! She asked if I was ready, and I said I was. The first line was a shock. My first tattoo hadn't felt anything like that. This felt like being carved with a knife! Luckily, though, most of the lines are fairly short, so the pain wasn't too drawn out. Still, it fucking hurt! I was screwing my face up, biting my lip, gripping the edge of the table. At one point, I said, "I feel like I'm being a real baby," but she told me I was doing fine, she was having to use a really fine needle because of the detail, so that was why it was so bad. She warned me before moving on to the rose in the centre that this would be the most painful part, and yes, she was right. I was tensing up so much that after a while my whole body just started shaking. When that was done, she said, "I'm going to do lots of little lines now. Sorry." I could only laugh. This part wasn't too bad, though, not as bad as the outline, though I was really glad when she said we'd stop for a break in a few minutes.
When I got to see what she'd done so far, though, I was blown away. The level of detail she'd managed to get was amazing. I was so blown away, I completely forgot to look to see if you could see where the old tattoo had been. She made me a cup of tea, and we had a cigarette. I was feeling exhausted, and shaky, but knew there wasn't long to go. I can't actually remember much about the second part. Think I was running on adrenaline by then.
When I looked at the finished tattoo, I was almost speechless. It was so beautiful. Exactly what I'd wanted, and way better than I'd ever imagined it could be. She put cling film on it, telling me to leave it on as long as I could, if possible till the following morning, then wash with hot soapy water and put cream on it twice a day.
I did as she suggested, left it till the following morning, by which time it just looked like a big slimy black mess on my chest. But almost all the slime washed off, just leaving a few small sticky bits. I put some Bepanthen on it and took its first picture. All that day, I ached like I'd been beaten up, and I still felt exhausted. The next day, the few sticky bits were starting to turn into scabs, and some parts were starting to look bruised. But it was a lot less painful, and I pretty much felt back to normal. That night, it started to itch, and continued to itch like crazy for a whole week. The scabs were only ever tiny, though, more like flakes of dry skin than actual scabs. Two weeks on, and it's pretty much completely healed. It looks beautiful, suits my body perfectly, and I couldn't be more pleased with it.